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Dec '24 Pt. 2 - 'Rebuttal, or Response'

(Written about half an hour after Pt. 1, when the fog had cleared and the act of writing had helped to shift and sift the thoughts/feelings through.)

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I am still kind and soft-spoken. I am not so wholly changed. I am just exploring ‘new’. I am feeling into things I have not felt into before – my body, my movement, my confidence. And yes I am out of balance, and yes I am relying more on external validation, but it’s all a journey, right? And I am still myself in (most of) those moments, it’s just that they are unfamiliar aspects that I then regard as a façade when viewed in retrospect – because I’m not used to them yet. I am just feeloing out new parts of myself, and for me to disregard them so dismissively as ‘straying from my path’ and ‘a desire-driven daze’ is a cruel way to frame an exploration of happiness.

Yes, I gather a lot of satisfaction from small interactions with people I admire, but that is no crime. To treat it as a dirty, shameful act is a harsh blow to the little girl inside who is joyful discovering that she is not as invisible as she thought.

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Please treat her with kindness, my dear. You deserve it.